killing the deadline

So hello readers ūüôā
I want to tell you that i am tired of trying to write.

Ah, i don’t know why,
but let me make this writing to be an honest-thoughtful-self-reflective article about writing, yes you can say it is a writing-ception, an article with only 300-word , yes please only 300 words!

well

so, i am a writer.
hahaahahaha,

but

i find myself difficult to write thing that i have to write.
nah, now you can see that i use the word “have to” man,

i use “have to”¬†because if i say “thing that i want to write”.¬†wew so weak, what if in the process I¬†don’t have the “want” feeling anymore? hahahaha

Like i want to write things about “believing right leads to right living” but i don’t feel like i want to write it again.

i want to write about it,

so i try to write (note that i don’t really like the word “try”,¬†it is a weak word, but anyway i use it with a purpose)

but when i write, i am–i was distracted, then i feel i like i don’t want to write. so i stop.
so the article is just an idea, a great idea, ah yes, an idea is not a real idea until that idea is manifested–

well the quote¬†is actually “an idea is not clear enough until is it is written”.

hahahahahah

but, what if i try different process of writing?
argh men, should i put my money–huge money–to somebody else as a stake–that if i can’t finish my writing, he¬†or¬†she can take my money?

it was effective for the first time, but the last one did not hit the bar.
and the last was not –well i can’t say effective¬†because it is still in the process.

DOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*
hey do you fear death?

ah no man, i am already saved by God through Jesus Christ. well, i don’t fear death anymore. i know for sure where i will be going after death ūüôā

oh okay, that’s cool, but,¬†i mean, what do you want to give to the world if you are going to die¬†right now? well, maybe anything, or¬†uh,¬†ya ya anything?

well, a, it is a tough question man. well ya, man,¬†ugh, i got many things that —ugh–I want to write.
well, yeah, when i die i could not speak anymore, but if i have written books, i could keep on speaking to the world even if i die. oh [please]

so, why don’t you write? i mean,¬†i don’t see you write enough post in your blog?

well i don’t know , i think that i don’t have enough, euh, will power? I¬†mean, I¬†have those ideas, ah yes, many many ideas that i must write but i cant finish the draft, damn, i just can’t finish it, man, even i have tried to use the “mind-hack” system that making a punishment and reward program, but hey it was not really effective, and i still have¬†one deal with partner ,¬†ah and it was a month a go i think. i havent finish the article yet,¬†ah i don’t like it, i don’t like the feeling of not finishing what i’ve started, especially the writing issue..

What’s you greatest problem?¬†
well i dont know for sure, but uh let me think a bout it, uhm, well i think that i have this kind of mentality , uh yes, the perfectionist, so i want it to be really perfect, and what i meant with perfect condition¬†is not only the perfect writing results but also the perfect writing process. hahahaha, well thank God that i can find this problem out, well, my mind¬†believe¬†that i need to write under a perfect circumstance, with a perfect¬†mood, perfect ambiance, with no distraction, with a clear mind, with a perfect time, perfect mental state, perfect health–well, i think now is not the perfect time man , well, i am so tired man, i have many things to do–ah i see that¬†the¬†writing issue as the less priority..

ah i don’t like to say things like this, but oh dear¬†GOD, i don’t have enough will power lah, i keep on producing excuses oh man, i am tired that, and i admit that i need favour and grace to write and write and write and write, no matter what people say, write and write and write no matter what people will respond, write and write, and write, just like God wants me to write, and write and write, not because i want to impress people, but to please my God, to fulfill my destiny, fulfill my calling, to write and write and write and write and write

so, the deadline can’t push you to write?
ah, yes exactly, i have many ways to motivate my self,¬†but ah the deadline thing doesn’t work for me, too bad!

well, how about the death-line?

[]

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